


Captain's Log

by KillThemWithCandy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: All I did was give her a maiden name, All ciphers are Atbash, F/M, Gina is not my own original Character, Lots of scientific reference to Star trek and Mass Effect, M/M, Reza doesn't do science so she thiefed some science, She belongs to the lovely HereIsSomething on Tumblr, The first chapter is mostly cute but I swear it will get more intense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillThemWithCandy/pseuds/KillThemWithCandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2246 and the Mystery Trio are aboard their spaceship travelling through the cosmos when they receive a First Contact Mission from the Earth Council. Unfortunately, it may turn out this alien isn't as friendly as they had hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "The Chain of Command is Often a Noose" -Doctor McCoy

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: Since "A Tale of Two Stans" came out I made some changes to the story. The name swap is fixed and a new character replaces an old one.

Stanford Pines was proud of his ship. He loved it. His brother and best friend had even helped in designing it. It was small, but fast, and having his brother's ex-girlfriend as the on-board weapons expert and Chief of Security made up for anything they lacked in that department. Carla was terrifying.

His ship was also the first to be fitted with the newest warp drive and while Stanford himself didn't know much about it, he's heard Stanley and Gina, who was his Helmsman, go on and on about how beautiful it was.

His favorite part of his ship had to be his chair, though. His Captain's chair. It gave him full access to view the Bridge, a comm system to connect to any comm unit on board or to the communicators for away parties, and it was so comfy he could sleep in it. And had. Multiple times.

The Stan-O-War (Stanley had gone through months of paperwork and sucked up to at least twelve admirals to get that name approved) was an absolute beauty of a ship.

Stanford grinned to himself and checked his personal DataPADD for anything. A few status reports, a message from Stan titled "WHY DOES OUR FOOD SUCK SO BAD?", an update on Fiddleford's latest odd experiment, and a message from the Earth Council.

They had a mission.

He quickly read through the message and sent the coordinates located in it to Gina, who was sitting at the Helm.

"We have a mission." He said and turned his chair to the Science Station, where his First Officer and best friend Fiddleford McGucket sat.

"Oh?" The XO smiled and adjusted his glasses, "What are we doing now? Peace negotiations? The Council loves sending us on fruitiness peace negotiations that get us shot at."

"Yeah!" Carla called from across the room, "Gimme something to shoot at!"

"No, no, no negotiations and no shooting." Ford grinned, "It's a First Contact mission. Apparently there's been a contact in a nearby system and they want us to check it out."

"What system?" She asked.

Stanley checked his message again, "Unnamed with a long series of numbers and letters to represent it. The sixth planet from their sun is where we're headed, it's the only one that supports life. Gravity there is a bit lighter than ours, but the atmosphere is similar enough that we won't need suits to beam down." He smiled, "We haven't had a First Contact mission in a long time."

"There's not a lot of First Contact missions to be had." Fiddleford pointed out, "Plus, we get the most because of our success rate with them. We're the only ship to have gone on more than three First Contact missions and not have had war declared on us for cultural misunderstandings."

"Okay, good point." Ford stretched his arms over his head, "Gina, how long until we arrive?"

"At our current speed about thirteen hours, which is just enough time for this shift to end and me to actually relax for once." She turned and cracked her knuckles.

"It's your own fault for taking a double shift." Fiddleford chuckled, "I warned you."

She frowned, "You know, for someone afraid of conflict, you sure don't know when to shush your little mouth."

"That's because I know you think I'm cute. I trained for nine years to get to this point! My skills shall not deteriorate!" He grinned.

"Fids," Ford paused, "you were only at the Academy for seven years, what the hell are you on about?"

Gina grinned, "We were married for nine years, Hun. Did you really forget? Your brother is babysitting our child while we're off planet, Stanley!"

The Captain paused, "I should really call him...."

Carla groaned, "Stanford Pines! We've been off planet for two months and you haven't called your baby brother? What is wrong with you?"

"I have three hundred twenty-five people to look after, Carla!" He whined, "One of which is my _twin_ brother! I'll call him once this shift ends so long as Ford doesn't have any problems in engineering."

Stanford Pines truly loved his ship and everyone aboard it.

* * *

 

 

"I can't believe we've been off planet for two months and you never called Shermy." Stanley laughed, "Bro, even I've called him."

Ford frowned, "You're also not the Captain. I'm busy."

"How mad was he?" Fiddleford asked.

"He told me if I ever do that again he’ll remove two of my fingers, and then went on to say that if he accidentally ended up removing more, then who could blame him?” He chuckled and ran a hand over his face, "Talked to the twins, though. Michael drew a dinosaur destroying a Starbase and Sandra drew the aftermath of all the eaten people, so that was.... interesting." He chuckled, "Kids say hi, by the way."

Stan grinned, "First thing we're doing when we get home is going to see Shermy and spending a couple nights with the kids. I'm sure they'd blatantly ignore us for Uncle Fids, but they'd say hi to us eventually."

"That's because I'm fun and actually call." Fiddleford grinned.

The trio had just gotten off shift and, as always, met up in the rec room to relax for a while. They'd gotten a small table for the three of them to sit around and chat at while the room around them was buzzing with life. There was exercise equipment, a good amount of tabletop games like pool and chess, and in the corner a movie was playing.

"Hey, boys." Carla grinned, "Mind if we join you?" She batted her lashes dramatically.

Fiddleford smiled and moved his chair over, "Certainly not, ladies."

Gina grinned and grabbed two chairs for herself and Carla and they sat.

"So, what are you three gossiping about this time?" Carla asked.

"We don't gossip." Stan scoffed.

Gina smiled, "Of course not! You just have casual conversation about other people, typically about facts not yet confirmed to be true."

"Exactly!"

"Stanley, that's the definition of gossiping." Fiddleford groaned, "We were teasing Stanford about not calling home and talking about visiting them for a while when we get back." He explained.

"I like that plan." Gina grinned.

"Oh, I want to come, too!" Carla interjected, "Maybe I could ask Thistle and we could make a weekend of it!"

Stanley smiled, " _Yay_ ," literally everything about his posture was strained and he sounded like he was in pain, "I just love hanging out with Thistle." There was a moment's pause and he jumped in his chair and banged his knee against the table, "Ow! Did you both have to kick me?"

Carla and Stanford shared a look, "Yes."

Gina smiled, "You should be nicer to Thistle, Stan. After all, it is because of him that you didn't marry Carla. And if you'd married Carla, you'd never have been able to hook up with Fiddy, and then my poor little man wouldn't have anyone to carry him around."

Fiddleford's face turned red and he stood up quickly, "I'm going to get water!" He hurried from the table before he had to be subjected to anymore embarrassing truths about himself.

Stan smiled, "He likes being carried?" He turned and watched the XO go.

Ford groaned, "Gross, if you're going to talk about my brother's love life I'm going to leave and watch the movie. It looks like the reboot of Alien, so it can't be any more disgusting than this." He stood and waved goodbye to the girls before walking off to join the movie watchers.

"Have fun!" Carla called out and turned back to the other woman, "So, what other little secrets does our beloved First Officer have?"

Gina smiled, "You ever wonder who tops in bed with them?"

Carla paused and tilted her head, "Once or twice. I always figured it's Stan, he is a lot bigger, after all."

"Bottoming doesn't always mean receiving." Gina grinned, "Fiddy knows how to get what he wants in bed. I bet you anything if they sleep together your Stanley is going to get the ride of his life."

"Oh my God my ex is talking to my boyfriend's ex about us having sex." Stan covered his face with his hands, "I don't even know how to react to this."

Gina beamed, "See? Even his personality is more submissive. Fiddy would break him like a glow stick."

Carla smiled, "Aw, how cute! Look at him blushing!"

"I'm going to go to my quarters and get some sleep." He stood and tried to will his blush away.

"Yeah, sleep underneath my ex-husband."

He frowned and took a deep breath before smiling, "And if I said I was?"

Without missing a beat, Gina grinned, "I'd tell you to screw that southern peach raw, sugar."

His smile fell down again and his blush reached his ears. He ducked his head and hurried away from the table.

And ran straight into Fiddleford.

"Whoa!" The scientist smiled, "Calm down, Stanley. What's wrong, the girls still teasing the life outta us?"

Stan chuckled, "I had to make a stealthy retreat. By that I mean I ran. They should never be allowed in the same room together, much less in the same room as us. I was going to go get some rest."

"Oh!" Fiddleford smiled, "Mind if I join you? I'm rather tired and you're extremely comfortable to sleep with."

Stan sighed, "I don't know. Cuddling for a few hours with the guy of my dreams? I'm not sure about it." He chuckled and wrapped his arm around the scientist's shoulder, "Of course you can join me! Why would I ever object to you joining me?"

* * *

 

Stanford couldn't help but laugh when his brother stormed into engineering three hours later, hair a mess and clearly pissed off.

"Who the _fuck_ messed with my children? I was actually getting some damn sleep for once! I will kill every damn one of you and not have any remorse." He pointed at a few crewmen in engineering uniforms and began barking orders for status reports.

"Sleep well?" Ford asked as soon as he got to stand next to his brother.

"I was out." Stan grumbled as he swept through data records for the past few hours, "I was real, actual sleep, and you woke me. Fids is still in my quarters, so I'm hoping I can fix this easy and get back to him."

"Can you?"

The engineer nibbled on his lip for a second, "Things look good from here, but the alert raised, so I'm going to have to go and look at it myself. It's not our warp drive, so we won't have to slow down or anything, don't worry." He ran a hand through his hair, "I'm just hoping it wasn't someone trying to balance the input levels again." He looked to his brothers, "Did we get any new engineers on our last stop?"

Ford paused, "Three meds, four science, two engines, a helm, and a weapons." He listed, "So, yeah. Two."

"Then likely it was those two trying to get things by the book without asking a superior officer and fucking shit up." Stan groaned, "You wanna stick around for this or no? Because I could rant and rave about this shit to anyone."

"I'd like to actually know about my ship." Ford smiled, "Rant and rave away."

The twins started walking as Stan spoke, "Our engines shouldn't fit in this tiny ass ship. Yours truly went through lots of burns, bruises, cuts, and other such physical injuries along with many afternoons spent wanting to cry and/or commit mass murder." He grabbed a DataPADD from an ensign and traded off his own to look through the levels given to him, "The amount of radiation that thing puts out is intense. We make up for it by recycling it and using a good amount of that radiation to continue to fuel the engines until it's gone through two half-lives, which is about two days, and has to be expelled. No other ship with this drive has to do that. We're the smallest to have this one and we don't have the ability to contain and dispose of that much radiation so quickly without recycling. That makes the radiation levels in the drive raise, so I've got it compensated with extra shielding and ventilations and such. We're all very safe, don't worry, no one's growing any third eyes." He frowned at the charts in front of him and guided his brother down a hallway to the left, "Yeah, someone tried equalizing the radiation levels, which would stop the recycling process and overflow the, uh," he frowned, "They're like trash cans for radiation. They've got a long technical name, don't worry about it. But those are overflowing and can't compensate for the amount of radiation they're being bombarded with. It's an easy fix, but unfortunately it's a one man job and will take me about three hours."

Ford frowned, "Which is enough time for Fids to wake up and head to the labs to work on some experiment or other. I'm sorry, Lee."

"It ain't your fault." Stan handed off the DataPADD, "Unless you're the one who tried equalizing things. In which case I will have to kill you."

"No, no, I know better than to touch any of your stuff." Ford chuckled and watched his brother look around the room they'd arrived in and collect a series of tools.

"You gonna put this in your logs? How the ship runs?"

He smiled, "Oh, that's a good idea! That way I can go back and look at it if I ever have to report on the engine systems and you're not there to do it for me."

Stan chuckled and strung a new belt around his waist and adjusted it, "Well get going before you forget what I said. If you want, later I can come by and fill in some extra bits."

"Sure! Thanks, bro!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now get out of my engine rooms before you end up whacked with something."

Ford frowned, "What?"

"Oh, yeah, engineers will straight up kill you if you're in their way. We have shit to do, there's no time for nicey nice. So leave before I become an only child." Stan shooed his twin away and turned to shimmy his way through the crowd of people doing their jobs and into a side room, where the repairs for the recycling are done.

He did the computerized stuff first, closing off certain vents, detouring air flows, and sending a detailed description about how the recycling process worked and how the levels are supposed to look to every engineer on board. All of them. No matter how long they'd been working on the ship.

He was barely halfway through with the repairs he could do via the computer when he got a message from Fiddleford.

_Woke up alone. Didn't like it. You should come back as soon as you can so I can try again._

He smiled for a moment at the thought of Fiddleford waiting for him, then remembered what he was doing and groaned.

_That could be a few hours. Some newbie fucked up my engines and now I gotta fix em. Sorry. Why don't you go dick around with your science stuff and I'll drop by when I'm done?_

He set his DataPADD aside and continued with his calibrations and repairs until he got a reply.

_Literally all my experiments right now need at least eight hours before I can touch them again. Plus I don't want to do science I want to cuddle and sleep on that damn body pillow you call a chest._

Stan has begun to type a reply when a second message came in.

_Wait, shit, fuck. Ignore that last one. I should've said I don't want to do science, I want to do you. Can't you get someone else to fix the engines? Surely you're not the only person who knows how they work._

He felt the blood rush to his cheeks and ears and he chuckled.

_No, I'm not. I just usually do all this and didn't think of making anyone else do it instead. See, this is why you're the better half. You're smart and think of things that get us what we want._

He finished the final calibrations and stepped out of the room, "Hey!" He shouted, "I need a Lieutenant or higher in here!"

A couple people came over, two women, and saluted.

"You two know how the engine's recycling works?"

"Yes, Sir." One replied.

"Good. I'm off duty so I'll leave it to you. I got all the computer shit done, all you have to do if the physical stuff. I'll check it when I clock back in. Don't kill us." He grabbed his DataPADD and hurried out and back towards his quarters. He had just stepped into the lift when his PADD chimed.

_So.... Are you coming back to me?_

_Yep! Got two gals to finish up for me._

It took Fiddleford nearly no time to reply, _Incorrect. The right answer is: I don't know, can you convince me?_

Stan chuckled and replied, _I don't know, can you convince me?_

**XO F. McGucket has sent an image attachment.**

Stan quickly shut off his DataPADD as the doors opened and a few more crew members shuffled in, all heading up to crew quarters. The ride up was awkward, at least for Stan, and he couldn't help but wonder what the rest of Fiddleford's message said.

He almost screamed again when the lift stopped once more before his destination and in walked Carla, luckily by herself.

"Well hello, Stanford." Carla paused as she turned to put in her destination, "Oh, heading back to your room?" She pulled her hand away without touching any controls, "You have a special someone waiting for you?"

"I hate you _so_ much."

"Wait, didn't you leave the rec room with him earlier? Why aren't you with him now?"

"Engine malfunction. I got called down to assess and make sure we weren't all going to blow up. Some dumb newbie messed up the recycling system so it's no super biggie. I left a couple Lieutenants to fix it up."

She smiled, "You left someone else to fix something? That's so unlike you."

He huffed, "I have a guy, a guy I fell for harder than I fell for you, I might add, waiting for me in my room. Would I rather be fixing an engine malfunction or heading back to said room as fast as I damn can? Huh. Tough choice."

"No need to get sarcastic with me, _little one_." She bumped her hip against his, "I think it's cute. I'm glad you found someone. I felt awful leaving you the way I did, but when you find your soulmate-"

"Oh, gross. Can't this elevator go any faster?" Stanford grinned when the doors open and hurried out, "Well, I'll see you, Hotpants!"

Carla was about to call out something extremely inappropriate in response regarding the bedroom activities between her ex and his boyfriend, but a commander who wasn't afraid to write people up for indecency and inappropriate behavior came by and she had to keep her mouth shut lest she get in trouble.

And, of course, when the coast was clear Stan was long gone.

She huffed and made her way back to her quarters. The first things she did once the door was closed was kick off her work boots- she had gone to the rec rooms immediately after work and hadn't had the chance to change into anything comfortable- and unzipped her top and threw it as far away from her as she could. She got to her closet by the time her regulation pants undone and half falling off her hips. She managed to kick them off and grabbed a loose purple dress and pulled it on, sighing in relief at the feeling of freedom it gave, and slumped over onto her bed.

Her eyes were just getting heavy when a series of chimes alerted her to a call on her personal desktop. She groaned loudly and pulled herself up and flopped into the chair before the desk and tapped the surface of the holographic desktop harder than she needed to, but she didn't exactly care.

She only perked up a bit when she found the call was from her husband on Earth.

"Hey, honey bunches!" She chimed as she accepted the call.

Thistle's face broadcast across the screen and he waved to her, _"Hello, my wonderful flower. How's space?"_

"Well we haven't been eaten by aliens yet and the worst medical emergency I know of was when this kid down in the science labs singed his eyebrows off, so I'd say everything's good."

He chuckled, _"How is it being on ship with the twins? I know last time you saw them...."_

She smiled, "Stan and I talked it out. He's got a new boyfriend whose ex-wife is on the ship, too. I think teasing Stan and Fiddleford with Gina has become my new favorite pastime on this ship. Besides talking to you, of course."

_"Stan got a boyfriend?"_

"Yeah, cute little thing. He's southern, too. Has a pretty thick accent that only gets worse when he's mad or flustered. I'll send you a picture later if you want."

_"That's okay. What about Stanford?"_

She smiled, "Ford's still a curious little beaver. He's constantly following someone around, asking how things work and recording things in his personal data logs. Stan's boyfriend, Fiddleford, he's also Ford's First Officer, so he sends out a message to all non-human crew members when they join us to excuse any culturally or socially rude questions our beloved captain might ask. He's too curious for his own good, I swear it. We've broken him of his 'I must touch to examine' habit, though. After he got slapped by a medical officer for touching the equivalent of her boob out of curiosity he finally stopped."

Thistle laughed, _"Yikes! He deserved it all the way but, ow. Slapping hurts."_

They talked for hours. Most of it was Carla giving updates on people they knew that were on-ship, but Thistle also updated her on friends and family that were back on Earth.

Of course, eventually Thistle had to leave and they said their goodbyes. Carla cut the call and flopped back onto her bed with a grunt, not caring in the least that her skirt had flipped up and her ass was on show for anyone with the code to get into her room.

Within minutes she was dead asleep.

* * *

 

"Back to work!" Stanford grinned and strode to his Captain's chair happily. He spun around in it a bit before watching as his crew switched out for the shift change.

Stanley looked about ready to hit something as he plopped into the bridge's Engineering station. Usually he stayed down in Engineering to take care of things, but First Contact missions required all three of the command positions to be on deck when the initial contact is made so they can consult one another.

Fiddleford seemed to be bright as a daisy. He walked with a pep in his step and was quick to sign into his station and prep everything.

Carla looked like she'd forgotten to set her alarm, seeing as she came onto the bridge bouncing on one foot as she tried to get her boot on the other.

Gina was already set up and waiting for orders, relaxing at the helm with her arms behind her head.

"How are the engines, bro-bro?"

Stan smiled, "Gold star to the LTs I left to take care of them. They're in perfect shape."

"Perfect!" Ford grinned, "Gina, how long until arrival?"

"Two minutes."

"Fids, everything look good in scanners?"

"I can see the planet and already have received Gina's orbital pattern plans, which are good, as usual. So long as the planet doesn't sudden start to decay, we can stay in orbit for years."

"Carla, please don't shoot the aliens."

"Well you're no fun."

Ford grinned and turned back to the view screen, "Alright. Get ready for initial contact. Prep comma to send out a signal. They should be expecting us."

"Thirty seconds to contact." Gina related.

"Ready to meet a new species, Lee?" Ford grinned.

"Oh yeah." His twin matched his excited smile and Stanford knew across the room Fiddleford was just as ecstatic.

"Three, two, one, contact." The ship dropped out of warp and Gina's hands flew across her workstation, quickly getting them into orbit while communications were established.

The view screen jumped alive and a figure appeared before them.

_"Wow! So that's what humans look like! Man, I gotta tell ya, I've been really excited to meet your species!"_

Stanford smiled, "Hello. I'm Captain Stanford Pines."

_"Nice to meet ya, kid! Name's Bill Cipher!"_


	2. "Why Do You Invite Death?" -Commander Spock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's picking up now.

 

Fiddleford McGucket loved First Contact missions. They were always exciting. A new species, something no one has ever been able to study and learn about, there in front of him, willing to divulge anything about its culture and people to him for the sake of science.

But for some reason, ever since initial contact, he couldn't shake a feeling of uneasiness.

They were beaming down to the planet now. Stanford, Stanley, and himself. Gina had the bridge while they were gone and Stanford had his best Engineer, Dan Corduroy, waiting at the transporter for their call if anything went awry.

When they materialized Fiddleford took note that his body felt lighter and it was a little harder to breathe.

"Hey, humans!" The alien's voice called and he appeared before them, inches away from Stanford's face, "You came down! And you're in one piece!"

"Mister Cipher." Ford smiled.

"Tiny thing, isn't it?" Stan mumbled.

The floating alien looked them over, "Man, you look funny. And squishy!"  He grabbed Ford by the face and squished his cheeks.

"You're a triangle." Fiddleford pointed out, "You look just as odd to us as we to you. Will you be taking us to meet any governmental leader of some kind?"

"Nope!" Bill leaned back and crossed his legs, swinging his cane around on one hand while he held the other behind him, "My race isn't exactly friendly to anyone. We don't get along with ourselves more than anyone. So unless you're suicidal, you don't want me to introduce you to anyone." His yellow glow brightened, which Fiddleford thought could indicate happiness or humor.

"So what do you call your race, anyways?" Stanley asked.

"Demon."

Fiddleford felt a chill run down his spine, "Really? That's.... That's a rather funny coincidence."

"So you're a captain? Of a human ship?"

Ford smiled, "That's me. This is my second in command, Fiddleford McGucket, and my twin brother and Chief of Engineering, Stanley Pines."

Bill paused, looking at the three of them with his one wide eye. Fiddleford felt another chill run down his spine, but met the alien's gaze on fear of being rude. He didn't want to risk their perfect streak of not instigating interstellar wars.

"How did you come down here?"

Fiddleford smiled, "Our transport beams take the molecular structure of anything and break it down, then transfer it to a set coordinate input from the main terminal."

"And you never misplace parts?"

"This technology has been around for a few decades now; it's been a long time since there have been seriously technical issues like that." Fiddleford reassured him, "Every transporter has a number of fail-safe protocols installed into them that prevent any problems."

The alien hummed, which sounded akin to a violin being played too harshly, "Can I see?"

Stanley and Fiddleford were slightly wary, and shared a look that let the other know that they weren't alone in feeling such a way. Their Captain, however....

"Of course!" Stanford rushed to grab his communicator, "Mister Corduroy! Four to beam up!"

 _"Aye, aye, Captain. Just a moment."_ There was a pause, _"Sir, I'm only getting three life readings and one massive energy reading."_

"That's me!" Bill chimed brightly.

"Fascinating." Ford grinned, "Mister Corduroy, that energy reading is the fourth person."

_"Aye, aye, Sir. We're locked on. Ready to beam on your command."_

"Go ahead."

Their molecules disassembled and they were transported to the ship once again.

"Sir!" Corduroy looked as though he was having a heart attack and he ran to the group hurriedly, "Are you alright? Should I call for medical?"

"Whoa, Dan, calm down." Ford held up his hands, "We're fine. What's wrong?"

"The transporter.... it.... there was a malfunction...." He paused and frowned, "You.... shouldn't have made it to the ship." He hurried back to his station and looked over the machine. Stanley quickly followed behind him and looked at the data.

"The kill switch got tripped." The twin told the group, "We should still be on the planet. Let me see Cipher's energy reading." Stan turned to another station and ran through memory. Stanford and Fiddleford hurried over to the station and waited anxiously.

"Motherfucker." Stanley looked up at his brother and then past him to Bill, who was still hovering over the transporter, "Your energy readout is that of a fucking nuclear bomb. The machine didn't know how to take that so the kill switch tripped. How are we onboard? Corduroy! When exactly was the switch tripped?"

The behemoth of a man looked over his records, "Um...." He frowned and checked another computer, "It.... It says almost immediately. Twenty-six percent through the process."

"Lee, what's wrong?"

Stanley looked up at his brother, "Uh, nothing. I'll get it sorted. You go show the guest of honor the place. I'll send in a report." He turned back to the screen in from of him, "Don't worry about it, bro."

"Alright...." Ford turned back to their guest, "Sorry, it seems there's been a technical issue with the transporter. How about a show you the medical bay or the bridge?" He walked off with Bill hovering behind him.

Fiddleford waited until they were gone before turning to Stan, "What's going on?"

"I don't know if it was a malfunction with the data analysis or the kill switch or what," the engineer ran a hand through his hair, "But we should not be on the ship. The process was cancelled about a fourth of the way through, yet we still dematerialized.... The kill switch even flipped, according to this. Could you run a diagnostic to make sure everything's running while I check the physical wires in the other console?"

"Of course." The scientist moved around the console and quickly placed a kiss on Stanley's cheek, "We'll get this all sorted."

 

"Welcome to the bridge." Ford smiled and guided his guest onto the bridge.

"Captain on deck." Carla chimed loudly and the command replacement that had stepped in for Ford when he went to beam down nearly fell out of the command chair.

"At ease. I'm giving our guest a tour. Mister Cipher, these are some of the finest graduates from one of the best interstellar travel schools in the Milky Way Galaxy." He grinned with pride.

The alien looked around and floated over to Carla, who watched him curiously.

"This one looks funny." Bill stated plainly.

Ford chuckled, "Humans have all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Plus, unlike the landing party, Lieutenant Downe is a female."

The alien stared her down for a good two solid minutes before he reached out and touched her hair where it was tucked behind her ear. Carla braced herself and Bill pulled his hand away with some effort. He backed away and as he put his hands behind his back a flower seemed to bloom from Carla's hair. She jumped and lifted her hand to the spot and pulled the flower away. It floated, stemless, just above her hand.

"Wow!" She grinned and looked up at Bill, "This is beautiful!"

The triangle brightened and put his hands against his sides playfully, "No problem, Flower!" He leaned towards her and blinked, then pointed at his own eye, "I'm winking!"

She laughed and lifted the flower back to her ear, where it stayed.

"That is incredible." Ford grinned, "How did you do that?"

"I'm a being of pure energy that lived completely isolated from civilization for.... a long time." Bill shrugged, "I learned a few small tricks."

Carla batted at Ford's hand as he reached for it, "No touchy. Mine."

"But, Carla.... Science...."

"You can look at it later. I want to enjoy it before you do something to mess it up." She chuckled.

"It's just light energy, Glasses." Bill waved a hand, "I matched it to Flower's living energy."

Ford paused, "Glasses?"

The alien paused, "Yeah. Glasses."

"I'm not the only person on this ship that wears glasses, Mister Cipher."

"No, but it's your symbol. Your names are weird and pronouncing them sounds uncomfortable. Symbols are much easier."

Carla smiled, "I'm cool with being called Flower. Especially if it means I get to keep this."

"It's not like I can take it back. It'll fade eventually, but I dunno when."

Ford paused, "You speak perfect English, but our names are difficult? Don't you have a native language?"

"Of course."

The bridge was silent for a few minutes.

"What is it?" Ford finally asked.

"Likely to remove your skin from your skull and melt your eyeballs!" Bill brightened and laughed, "So, what's next on the tour?"

While everyone else cringed, Ford grinned, "That is incredible. How about I show you the science labs? Fiddleford and his assistants always have something interesting in the making!" He hurried and led Bill back to the elevator and they left the bridge.

"Does that thing give anyone else the creeps?" Gina asked.

Everyone agreed.

 

Bill hovered over the table as the trio ate, staring at the food.

"Don't you eat?" Stanley asked.

"I never knew that creatures needed it until now. I'm extremely curious, but I don't have a face hole."

"It's called a mouth." Fiddleford supplied.

"So, Lee, what was up with the transporter?" Ford asked.

Stan groaned, "Okay. The whole system shut down before we even had a molecule disassembled. However, our new little friend here gives off so much energy that the beam, which had already deployed, grabbed a bunch of it and forced the computers to continue working."

"Incredible!" Ford grinned, "What triggered the kill switch?"

"No idea."

"What?"

Stan sighed, "I can't figure it out. There was no massive surge of energy, no malfunction in the equipment, nothing! Just.... suddenly, the switch was flipped. I've got Corduroy and his team looking it over, and Fids left some of his ensigns to look things over with them."

Ford frowned, "That's odd."

"Don't fret over it." Stan smiled, "I'm sure the team will figure it out."

"Glasses, is there somewhere I can rest?"

Ford quickly swallowed his food, "Yes, of course!" He stood and waved over a security guard, "Blubs, will you show Mister Cipher to the guest quarters?"

Blubs grinned, "Can do, sir! Right this way, Mister Cipher!" He turned on his heel and Bill followed him closely out of the room.

"So that guy is weird, right?" Stan asked.

"Blubs is a perfectly good officer and-"

"Not talking about Blubs, Ford. I mean Cipher."

Ford paused, "He's a different species, Stanley, of course he seems weird."

"That's not what I mean. Something is off about him. It's like he's hiding something."

"Well, I'd want to hide things if I was the only advocate for the human race, too." Ford frowned, "Like the holocaust. Or the early two-thousands. Or other extremely violent portions of our past?"

Fiddleford frowned, "Your brother has a point, Stanford. Something doesn't seem right about Bill."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, his entire species is called demons. _Demons_ , Stanford. Like the kind that the Devil created to destroy souls?" The scientist rubbed his eyes, "Then there's the situation with the transporter. I have looked that entire thing over with Stanley's help and there is no reason for the kill switch to have been flipped. And then Bill's energy surges just in time for us to continue being transported? Things don't add up. Plus, I got to look at that flower he made for Carla. The thing is growing into her. She pulled it outta her hair an' almost fainted. It's takin' her energy away to fuel itself."

Ford frowned, "Mister Cipher said that the flower will dissipate on its own."

"And it did, once I got it away from Carla and forcefully destroyed it. Stanford, that thing was taking away her energy."

Ford shook his head, "Fiddleford-"

"I took her to the Medical Bay." Fiddleford interrupted, "Carla agreed and we had Nurse Wentworth give her a couple tests. She confirmed what we thought. The flower was acting like a separate limb in a way, taking the kinetic energy of Carla's _blood cells_ and storing within itself as potential energy. Her heart rate slowed and blood stopped reaching her extremities."

"Did you tell Bill about this?"

Fiddleford paused, "I.... No."

Ford held out his hands, "There. This is a creature that has never come in contact with humans before. How was he supposed to know this would happen?"

"I don't know, Stanford." Fiddleford sighed, "I don't trust him."

Stanford waved his hand, "Well, that's just based on opinion. Bill has given me no reason not to trust him. I'm learning so much about him, too! There's so much information, I could fill an entire databank! It's incredible!"

Stan and Fiddleford shared a look of apprehension.

 

"Come to bed."

"He's thick-headed! This _thing_ shouldn't be trusted an' he's lettin' it see our engines an' our Medical Bay! Let's show him the codes to nuclear devices while we're at it!"

"Fiddleford." Stanley sighed, "There is nothing we can do about Ford being a dumbass besides watch Cipher and keep him out of trouble until we leave."

Fiddleford looked over to his boyfriend, "It's just so irritatin'."

"I know, babe. Come here and cuddle up to.... What was it you compared my chest to?"

The scientist chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, "A body pillow. You in your entirety are an enormous pillow and it's impossible for me to find any position cuddled up to you that's uncomfortable."

"That's a lie, but I'll take it. Now come cuddle me. I'm tired and we both have morning shifts tomorrow."

Fiddleford smiled and climbed into Stanley's waiting arms.

"Now get some sleep and stop worrying about things for a few hours. We'll keep an eye on everything and by this time in four days we'll be out of this system."

The pair held each other close and easily fell asleep with the comfort of the other being so near.

The peace lasted perhaps forty minutes.

Fiddleford shot out of bed and shoved Stanley away. He fell to the ground with a gasp and curled in on himself.

"Fids?!" Stanley leapt off the bed and knelt beside him, "Fids, what's wrong?"

Fiddleford reached up and grabbed him by his shirt. He pulled himself up and buried his face in Stanley's neck, mumbling incoherently, "Gviiryov mrtsgnziv erhrlmh."

"Fiddles? Come on, babe, talk to me."

"Yroo xrksvi.... Girzmtov."

"Okay, you're scaring me."

Fiddleford began trembling and sobbed once, "Stanley...."

"Fiddleford, Jesus Christ. Are you okay? You were speaking nonsense."

He shook his head, "Nightmare. Terrible nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." He shook his head again, "No, please. Just hold me."

Stanley easily complied, holding the smaller man as close to him as he could, "It's okay, babe. I've got you." He sat back and pulled Fiddleford into his lap, "I'm here." He peppered kisses all across the scientist's face and neck, "It's okay." He smiled, "It'll all be okay. I promise. I'm here. I love you."

Fiddleford smiled and pressed a kiss against Stanley's lips, "I love you, too, you huge sap."

 

There was no answer for the transporter. Stanley had overseen a number of tests that had all resulted in nothing. The kill switch never activated, there were no energy fluctuations, even when Bill was in the room, there was just nothing. It ran as smoothly and perfectly as always.

"I can't figure it out!" Stanley shouted and punched as hard as he could.

"Hey, now." Gina braced herself on the other side of his punching bag, "You'll get it. You're brilliant and you've got genius Fiddleford with you."

"Yeah, except Fids hasn't been getting any sleep," he grunted and punched a few times before continuing, "because of these hellish nightmares he's been having." He swung again, causing Gina to stumble, "Every time," punch, "he wakes up," punch, "shoves me away," punch, "falls out of bed," punch punch, "and wakes up in this trance, mumbling nonsense." He hit the bag once more, as hard as he could, "And there's nothing I can do to get him out of it! He just clings to me and mumbles madness before snapping out of it and crying! I've tried everything! I've gotten him water and food, I've turned on the lights, put him back in bed, taken him to the shower, everything! He just...." He ripped off his gloves and ran his hands through his hair, "It terrifies me! I don't know what to do! I even took him to see Susan, but she can't find anything wrong!"

Gina frowned, "You think it has to do with our guest?"

"You mean the literal demon that has my brother wrapped around his finger and is likely the reason our transporter flipped its shit?" Stanley groaned, "Yeah. I do."

The rec room was empty but for them. The vents made the only noise as Stan dropped onto the mat and started unwrapping his hands. Gina sighed and went to grab their things from the nearby table. She took off her shirt and sports bra, which were drenched in sweat, and changed into the replacements she had brought along. She strapped her belt around her waist and turned to Stan, who was pulling off his own shirt and using it as a towel for his hair.

"Here." She tossed him his uniform shirt.

"Thanks." He quickly pulled it on and pulled off his pants. Gina handed him his uniform slacks, which he put on, and then his belt, which he strapped around his waist.

His communicator went off as Gina handed it to him.

He sighed and quickly responded, "Pines."

 _"Stanley, where are you?"_ Stanford sounded anxious. Or was it excited?

"I'm in the rec room, bro." He took his phaser and stuck it in its holster on his belt, "Everything okay?"

_"Rec room? Oh, right, you're off duty. Is Fids with you?"_

"No, I'm with Gina. Fids is probably in the Med Bay trying to get some sleep."

_"Mister Cipher wants to show us something. He says it's important that the three of us are all there."_

Stan groaned, "I'll go get Fiddleford. Where are you?"

_"Science Lab six."_

"That lab is empty."

_"I know, but Bill says he wants it to be there. I have to go."_

"I'll be there with Fids in fifteen. Pines out." He closed the device and shoved it into his belt, "Ford better not complain about me being all sweaty."

Gina chuckled, "If you need to hit something with someone, you know who to call."

Stan waved goodbye and headed off to the Medical Bay. Fiddleford looked like death warmed over, his eyes had large bags under them and he looked ready to start sobbing, but he brightened up when he noticed Stanley.

"Hey, you." He smiled.

"Hey." Stan ran a hand through Fiddleford's hair and kissed his forehead, "You get any sleep?"

"No." Fiddleford sighed, "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be working out with Gina."

"Have you smelled me?" Stan laughed, "I did. Ford wants us for some super special thing with Cipher in Science Lab six."

Fiddleford sighed, "Alright. I'm not technically a patient, so I can leave." He slid off of the bed and leaned heavily against Stan, "Can you carry me?"

"I would, but how good would that look to the people who look up to us?"

Fiddleford frowned, "Good point. Gotta keep up an image." He yawned and stretched, "Come on." He took Stanley by the hand and they left.

The trek to the Science Labs wasn't awful and they made it there in good time. They opened up Lab six and found Ford and Bill chatting.

"We're here." Stan announced.

"Wonderful!" Ford paused, "Oh my. Fiddleford, are you okay?"

"Maybe? I don't know." He rubbed his eyes, "Sleep hates me."

"What's this about?" Stan asked.

"Bill wants us to be here for when he tries something." Ford explained, "But he won't tell me what. I've got the computer recording and Bill says he's all set."

Stanley crossed his arms, "Then let's get on with it."

"Okay, okay. So, Fez-"

"Stanley."

"Whatever. I know you and Hand don't trust me."

"My name is Stanley. His name is Fiddleford."

Suddenly the room was darker. Stanley nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed all color had gone except for Bill's luminescent yellow and the three of them.

"What the hell?" He looked around.

"Stanley...." Fiddleford grabbed onto his arm.

Bill's eye closed and blackness seemed to drip from him. His arms and legs turned into inky blackness and his bow tie joined. The ink trickled down, forming shapes and building up in weird ways.

Suddenly the color was back and everything was normal. Except Bill. Who now had a body. With a suit and a bow tie and cane. He still had a triangle for a head and one eye, but he now also had a mouth. The demon looked himself over, wiggled his arms and legs, and grinned.

"Look at that! Now I look like one of you!"

"Fiddleford?!" Stanley quickly caught the scientist as he fell to the ground, "Fids, what's wrong? Talk to me, babe."

Fiddleford clung to Stanley as if his life depended on it. Stanford and Bill both hurried to his side, Ford holding his back to keep him sitting up and Bill lifting his head so he could breathe.

Fiddleford jolted forward, curled in on himself, and began screaming, "Dsvm yilgsvih kzig zmw gsv hpb uzooh,

Drgs kvlkov gizkkvw rmhrwv gsvri nvgzo dzooh,

Gsv hsrk droo uzoo lfg lu gsv hpb,

Yvdziv gsv yvzhg drgs qfhg lmv vbv!

Dsvm gsv hgilmt dvvk zmw gsv dvzp yivzp,

Gsv tilfmw yvmvzgs fh zoo droo hszpv,

Gsv nlmhgvi droo ivevzo srh gifv uzxv,

Zmw zoo hszoo kvirhs rm srh dzpv!"

Stanley shook with fear. He pulled Fiddleford close against his chest and closed his eyes, "Please wake up, please wake up."

"Yroo....Xrksvi.... Girzmtov.... Xrksvi.... Xrksvi...." Fiddleford curled up against Stanley's chest and went limp.

"Fiddleford!" Stanley quickly placed a hand over the scientist's mouth and then rushed to touch his pulse.

"Stanley...." Ford was nearly in a panic, just barely pushing the terror away.

"He's sleeping." Stanley curled around Fiddleford and held him close, "Christ have mercy, he's just sleeping."

"I'm so sorry." Bill told him, "I didn't know this would happen. I've never done this before. I'll help you carry him to the Medical Bay."

"No. Don't touch him." Stanley glared, "You were right. I don't trust you and you've done nothing to give me a reason to trust you."

"Stanley, Bill didn't-"

"And you!" Stan turned on his brother, "Either you figure out how to make this stop, or you keep Cipher as far away from Fiddleford as possible. Because now I _know_ these nightmares he's been having are related to him and if I catch him even thinking about Fiddleford we're going to have a problem." He carefully stood up and adjusted Fiddleford in his arms, "We'll be in the Medical Bay. Neither of us will be taking our next shift."

"Okay." Ford nodded and let his brother go. He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes.

Ford was too busy gathering himself to notice Bill had stood and walked to the door to watch Stanley and Fiddleford leave.

"Urwwovuliw Szwilm NxTfxpvg."


	3. “I couldn’t help but notice your pain! [….] It runs deep, share it with me!” -Sybok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In decided to cut this last chapter in two or else the last chapter would've been a whole lot at once and kinda overwhelming. So not it's four chapters.

_Emergency Medical Briefing Form 6-1-8 for Captain Stanford Pines._

_Filled and released by Chief Medical Officer Susan Wentworth._

_Sir, there have been been, as of today (July 2nd, 2246), thirteen (13) cases of insomnia and trances similar to the one reported to happen to First Officer McGucket yesterday afternoon (XO McGucket's file attached)._

_The reported cases are as follows, in chronological order from yesterday afternoon, and severity of the case:_

_First Officer Fiddleford McGucket-Fluxuating_  
Security Officer Daryl Blubs- Minor  
Communications Officer Toby Determined- Moderate  
Engineer Dan Corduroy- Minor  
Communications Officer Buddy Gleeful- Minor  
Science Officer Jeffery Cannuck- Extreme  
Security Officer Edwin Durland- Moderate  
Chief Weapons Officer Carla Downe- Minor  
Science Officer Preston Northwest- Moderate  
Helmsman Bobby Renzobbi- Moderate  
Security Officer Henry Poolcheck- Extreme  
Engineer Michael Sprott- Moderate  
Security Officer Tate Toole- Moderate  
  
Of these officers, only First Officer McGucket, Engineer Corduroy, and Chief Weapons Officer Downe have been released.  
  
In moderate to extreme cases patients will awaken from a seemingly peaceful sleep suddenly and thrash for a moment before they begin to recite phrases in what appears to be an unknown dialect. Odd pupil dilation suggests hallucinations. No possible remedies have been found.  
  
First Officer McGucket released on order of First Officer McGucket.  
Engineer Corduroy released on order of Chief Engineer Pines.  
Chief Weapons Officer Downe released on order of First Officer McGucket.  
  
Minor to moderate cases can be assisted with sleep aides, but will not always prevent awakening. So far, fifty-six (56) percent of tests have proved effective when using sleep aides.  
  
Extreme cases are immune to the effects of sleep aides. Patients with extreme cases suffer from insomnia and its effects (High blood pressure, moodiness, memory problems, hallucinations, etc.). Patients are to be given constant care and attention.  
  
First Officer McGucket is the outlier. His sleep patterns are irregularly affected and sleep aides may or may not work on him. His episodes may range from a simple start awake and a mumble in this unknown dialect to violent thrashing and screaming in a terrified voice. The frequency of this has lowered.  
He was released under his own orders at nine (9) A.M. this morning and given a bottle of sleep aides. He is required to meet with Chief Medical Officer Wentworth after ever shift and/or whenever he has another episode.  
  
Chief Engineer Pines along with First Officer McGucket and his team have filed multiple reports (all attached) supporting their claim that this is an effect of the presence of the alien life form Bill Cipher.  
  
I request to meet with Mister Cipher and ask him a few questions regarding the situation at hand.  
  
Signed, Chief Medical Officer Susan Wentworth  
  
  
"Fids, that's enough coffee."

"I do not want to fall asleep, Stanley." Fiddleford snapped and pulled his cup out of Stan's reach, "I have important things ta do and I can't let anythin' get in my way."

Stan sighed, "Could you maybe pause for an hour before I have to go back to work? I miss cuddling with my boyfriend."

"Stanley, you're adorable. An' I love you. But there is a monster on this ship and I will not rest until it is either dead or as far away from me as I can get it."

"Killing yourself isn't going to do any good, Fiddleford! Your body needs to rest! You're shaking so badly I can see it!"

Fiddleford slammed his cup down, "Is there a reason for your being here, Commander Pines?" He shouted, "The science labs are for science officers only an' have a restricted access, so unless you've got business here, I'd suggest you leave!"

Stan frowned, "You need to go back to Med Bay."

"I do not! I am perfectly fine workin' on a way to get this creature outta my head and offa this ship. So if you will please excuse yourself, I'd mighty appreciate it."

Stan grumbled and left in a huff. People parted before him like the Red Sea before Moses as he made his way down to Engineering.

"Commander Pines!" An Ensign paused, "You're early."

"Yeah, well I'm doing fucking overtime then, aren't I?" He snapped.

"Wait, Sir. Before you clock in," The Ensign paused a moment as Stan glared at him, "Uh, your- the Captain. He wanted to see you. He's talking with Lieutenant Meadows in the other room."

"And is our distinguished guest with him?"

"Mister Cipher wasn't with him, no."

Stan paused a moment, "Really? Huh. Well, I'll go see what Ford wants, then."

He made his way into the break room, where they kept snacks, pillows, and broken parts available for tinkering. Stan had spent many a night camped out in there when something wasn't cooperating. He even had a reserved spot on the counter specifically for him to sleep on.

Stanford was had three different DataPADDs in his arms. He was using one of the dry erase markers that were left in the room on the walls, sketching out different odd symbols in a hurry. Stan paused at the door, watching him curiously. Every few symbols started glowing, and Ford was mumbling to himself. He had his shoulders hunched to hide the screens of his DataPADDs, his hair was scruffy and his uniform was rumpled and dirty.

"Ford?"

He jumped and turned around quickly, "Stanley! Oh, thank goodness. How.... How have you slept?"

"Better than you and Fids, obviously. What the hell is all this?" He walked over to the wall of symbols and reached towards one.

"No, don't touch!" Ford slapped his hand away, "There's.... Look, I'm admitting I was wrong. There's a pattern! You and Fids were right. There.... There are signs. And Cipher has been giving me weapons against him. He wants a fight. He wants-"

"Wait, wait, wait. You're admitting you were wrong?"

"Stanley!" Ford snapped, "This is serious! He's- he's plotting something!"

"No shit, Sherlock! I've been trying to tell you this for two days! Have you even read the reports Fids and I have been sending you?"

Ford rubbed his eyes, "I don't have time to fight with you, Stanley!"

"Really? Because you've had plenty of time in the past couple of days to ditch your brother and best friend for a demon!"

Ford slammed his fist against the wall, "Well maybe if you had actually evidence I would have-"

"Actual evidence?!" Stan grabbed his brother by the shoulder, "We have sent you twenty-seven messages of actual evidence! But did you look at any of them? I fucking doubt it!"

Ford shoved his brother's hand off him, "What evidence did I have that you weren't just making things up?" He jabbed a finger into Stanley's chest.

"Making- I am your brother, Stanford! Brothers trust each other!" Stan shoved Ford back, knocking the DataPADDs from his hands.

Ford gasped and quickly went to gather them back up. He quickly set them down on the table and glared at his brother, "Those PADDs are the only thing with my data on them! I've transferred everything to these three devices and erased any memory on the ship's computer. I need to be able to give someone I trust one of them."

"Well, apparently that ain't me or Fids!"

"You're not listening to me, Stanley!"

"Oh, I'm listening, Stanford! I hear exactly what you're saying! You want me to hold your fucking files, but I can't be trusted when I tell you something you don't like? Some brother you turned out to be!"

Ford glared and jabbed his finger back into Stan's chest, "Me? Why do you think I didn't trust you? What reason have you ever given me to trust you? You're a conman! You scam and lie all the time! You tell tall tales to get attention!"

"I wouldn't have to do that if you and your big brain weren't such attention hogs!"

"You’re just jealous the only thing that got you into the Academy was your stupid mechanic experience and that your brother was top of his class!"

Stan groaned and pulled at his hair, "That has nothing to do with this! You can't stand that sometimes I'm right! I'm the stupid one in your head, so I can't ever be right!" He stabbed Ford in the shoulder with a finger, "You can't stand the idea of someone being smarter than you! Especially me!"

"Don't touch me!" Ford grabbed Stanley's hand and shoved him back.

Stanley's face contorted from one of anger to pure agony as his back slammed against the wall. The magic Stanford had put in the symbols lit aflame and seared its way through Stanley's uniform and skin. The smell of burning flesh settled in with the reverberating screams of pain Stanley finally pushed from his lungs.

"Stanley!" Stanford grabbed his brother and pulled him away, terrified by the flaring burn mark on his brother's back, "Oh my God, don't-don't worry. I'll get you to the Med Bay."

"Get offa me!" Stanley shoved Stanford away and grabbed at his shoulder, which was still smoking.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this a touching scene?"

"Cipher!" The twins exclaimed in unison, Stanford in fear and Stanley with disdain.

"What a sad scene. Brothers being torn apart." Bill slowly made his way towards them, "I must say, Fez. You surprised me. You're smarter than I expected. I barely even got to enjoy this form before you realized what I was doing. Your darling boyfriend's nightmares are just so.... energizing." He stopped in front of Stanford and looked down at the DataPADDs, "Oh, lookie what I found. A database full of information on different species and their weaknesses. I'll be taking-"

"You're not taking anything!" Ford stepped back and clutched the PADDs close.

Bill glared, "I don't think you're exactly in the position to refuse me."

"Left hook!" Stanley swung, nailing the demon right in his triangular face.

Bill fell back and cried out, "You little shit! Fine, you want a fight?" He lurched forward and slammed into Stanley, throwing him onto his back and wrapping his hands around his throat, "How about we see how you like watching yourself from outside your own body!" He lifted one hand, which lit aflame, and slammed it down onto his chest, "What?" He glared and slammed his hand down a few more times, harder with each one, before looking up and noticing the sigil that was still flaring on the walls, "Damn you!" His color turned blood red and he curled his hand into a fist and hit Stanley's chest once more, "Fine, I'll just have to kill you, then!"

Bill was thrown off of Stanley when Stanford slammed into him. He grabbed the nearest item, a broken piece of pipe, and lifted it above his head. It came down on Bill's head with a thick CRACK and pieces of the triangle began breaking off.

"You're going to pay for that, IQ!" Bill grabbed Stanford by the neck and threw him to the side. He hurried to his feet and grabbed the piece of pipe that had just been used against him and engulfed it in his magical blue flames. "Zmw gsv kligzo hszoo lkvm!" The words rang through the brothers' heads like the screams of the damned, echoing through their skulls. Bill sliced through the air with the pipe and tossed it aside. He grabbed at the air and slipped his fingers into a tear in the nothingness. At first, the tear resisted, but Bill was able to force it open with relative ease.

"Now, IQ," Bill turned and forcefully kicked Stanley, who had curled in on himself in pain, out of his way, "Let's show you the universe." He lifted Stanford off the ground as though he weighed nothing.

"Let go of me!" Stanford struggled, but Bill had no problem holding onto him.

"Have fun!" Bill shoved the rift open wider with one hand and shoved Stanford through it.

"No!" Stanley shoved himself off the floor and tackled Bill, throwing him through the opening, "Stanford!"

The rift slammed shut and Stanley fell to the ground, pain searing through his chest and crawling over his back.

And the room was so quiet

Everything was so quiet.

It took him a while to find the strength to pull himself off the ground. He just nearly avoided stepping on Ford's DataPADDs as he stood. Emotion swelled in his chest. Fear, anger, regret, anxiety, pain, guilt.  
He bent over slowly and picked them off the ground. One of the screens had been scratched and another had a chip off the corner, but they seemed to be in fine working order.

He stumbled out of the room only to freeze again. The corridor was lined with bodies. He quickly went to the first one in a panic and checked their pulse.

Just sleeping.

He pulled the communicator from their belt and flipped it open, "Stan Pines to Medical Bay! I need as many stretchers as you can spare to Engineering!"

 _"We've got reports fall all over the ship, Stanley."_ Susan's voice answered, _"We'll send who we can but we'll have to make a few trips."_

"I don't think anyone is in immediate danger."

_"Are any of them awake?"_

"No."

_"They're in immediate danger. Where is Cipher?"_

"Gone.”

_"What?"_

"I'll explain when I get there. I'm going to need a scan, anyways." He closed the communicator and made his way towards Med Bay. It hurt to breathe and he left a stain of blood on the walls whenever he paused and leaned against them. He could feel the burn festering and simmering still. It burned through him, felt like a hot coal left on his shoulder.

His vision was blurry by the time he reached Med Bay and he barely could process the hands touching him and the voices speaking to him.

And everything went dark.

 

  
"No, no, no, no! This ain't- I didn'- Stanley! Stanley, you big idiot, wake up so I can properly _yell at you_!"

Carla ran her hands through Fiddleford's hair, "He's just exhausted. He'll wake up. Cipher was never able to touch his dreams, right?"

Gina smiled, "It'll be alright, sugar. Why don't you try getting some rest?"

Fiddleford rubbed his eyes ferociously, "No.... I.... I gotta help look for Stanford."

  
"Your entire team is working on it. They can work without you for a few hours." Gina guided Fiddleford to a chair and sat him down, "Just take a little nap. Just to make us feel better?"

He frowned, "Fine. But you better wake me up if Stanley wakes up."

Carla nodded, "We wouldn't dream of doing anything else."

Both girls pressed kisses against his forehead and watched him fall asleep.

Carla ran her hands through her hair, "What the hell is going on? What do we do? Our captain is gone, our first officer is going to kill himself with stress, and our third in command still has to recover from broken ribs and a burn. I'm next in the chain, Gina! I can't be Acting Captain! I just shoot things and make sure things shoot properly! I don't know how to lead a crew!"

"Carla, calm down. You're not going to have to step up to the command chair. You know Stan and Fids will be too stubborn to step down."

"And what about Ford? We have to find him! He could be dying!"

"Carla!" Gina grabbed her by her shoulders, "Breathe. You can't panic. That will only make things worse. Right now we need to focus on helping the doctors fix up Stan and getting Fiddleford some rest."

Carla took a deep breath, "Okay.... Okay, right." She rubbed her eyes, "I just.... This is the worst First Contact mission ever."

"I have never heard a worse understatement."

They stayed in the Medical Bay for two hours. Gina left once to get them something to eat and Carla didn't dare leave Stan or Fiddleford's side.

After two hours, they finally decided to head back to their quarters and try to sleep.

After two hours and the girls finally mustering the strength to leave, Stanley shot awake.

"Stan?" Carla took his hand, "Hey. Are you okay? How do you f-"

"Stanford!" Stanley looked around, "Wh-where is he?"

The girls both paused and looked away.

It wasn't hard for him to put two and two together. He rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. He glanced around the room and slid out of the bed to kneel next to Fiddleford.

"Babe?" He gently shook the scientist's shoulder, "Hey, Fids."

He slowly blinked awake and looked up at Stan. His lips dragged into a smile and he reached up to put his arms around his shoulders.

"Love you." He mumbled and nuzzled his face into Stan's neck, "'m sorry for yellin' earlier."

"It's okay. I understand. Cipher's a dick. But he.... he's gone now. Don't worry." He moved and lifted Fiddleford into his arms and sat him on the bed, "How do you feel?"

"Like there's a hole in my brain." Fiddleford refused to let go of Stan, and even tightened his grip when he attempted to pull away, "Like somethin' went into my head, took a handful of whatever they could, an' pulled it out and replaced it with some bad stuff."

Stan ran his hands through Fiddleford's hair, "Why don't you take the next couple days off? You've been through hell and I'm sure Susan will give you a few days of medical leave. I'll run the ship and just leave Dan in charge while I'm on the bridge."

Fiddleford frowned and looked up at him, "But-"

"No. No buts. I'm not taking a no on this." Stan smiled and kissed Fiddleford, "You get your rest. You're exhausted and I'm fine."

"Stanley." Fiddleford roughly forced him to turn around and touched his upper right back, "Do you feel this?"

Stanley frowned, "It's just a scratch, babe, I'm fine, really."

"I don't believe you."

Stan groaned, "Look, really. It doesn't hurt. Kinda tingles, but I'm fine other than that."

"Stan-"

"One of us has to step in for Ford and lead the search party. You are exhausted; I can see you shaking you're so tired. I'm fine. I have a small burn on my shoulder. We have to stop Cipher and find Ford. That is our primary objective now."

Fiddleford groaned, "Stubborn fuckin'.... Fine. But you better keep me informed or I'm comin' up to the bridge and kickin' yer ass."

"Of course you will." Stan pressed a kiss to Fiddleford's forehead and turned to leave. He stopped at the CMO's office and got Susan's attention, "Taking place as Acting Captain. I'm releasing myself for duty. Please keep my updated on Fiddleford's state."

She groaned and rubbed her face, "Fine, leave. Ignore medical care. It's not like you have some weird magic burn on your shoulder or anything." She shooed him away with her hand, grumbling angrily to herself.

Stan, with Carla and Gina following close behind, made his way to the bridge and took the Captain's Chair. He immediately turned on the ship wide comm and took a deep breath.

"Attention crew, this is Acting Captain Stanley Pines. Over the past week many of you have met and interacted with the alien known as Bill Cipher. We are now aware that he is a danger to this ship and all members aboard it. Cipher has been draining crew members of their life force and has stolen the Captain, my brother. Our mission is now a search and rescue. If anyone sees any hint of Cipher, you are to report it immediately. If you have any clues as to the whereabouts of our Captain, you are to report it immediately. All decks on yellow alert. Pines out." He paused only a moment to take a breath before he started giving orders, "I want a wide-scale scan for any life or high energy signatures. Helm, keep us in this system but circle us around to help the scan range. Carla, I want you to run down to Engineering and make sure our weapons systems are up and running."

"Yes, Sir." She got up and left, only slightly relaxing once the doors to the lift had closed. She knew the ride to the weapons storage would take a minute, so she let herself actually stop to think.

Ford was gone.

Probably dead.

Most of the ship was losing their minds.

She probably wasn't going to get out of this alive.

She probably wasn't ever going to see her husband again.

  
She took a deep breath.

"If I'm going down, I'm going down swinging."

 

 

Stanley sat in the Captain’s chair, feeling completely out of place. He’d never sat here before. This was wrong. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. The Chief Engineer was rarely ever on the bridge. And when it was necessary, there was an Engineering station. He wasn’t the Captain.

Stanford was.

The chair didn’t fit him well, either. They’d had it custom made so that it fit Stanford’s a lot better than his much larger twin. The buttons on the arms were arranged so that it was easy for a six-fingered hand.

None of it was right.

A sharp pain suddenly bloomed on Stanley’s upper back, starting on his left shoulder and burning its way all the way down to his toes.

It hurt so much.

He didn’t let it show other than an initial twitch.

No one could know how bad it hurt.

He couldn’t let anyone down.

Fiddleford was in no shape to take command and Stan knew Carla was terrified of being in charge of even a group of Girl Scouts. He had to suck it up and take charge. He had to find his brother. He had to keep his friends, his crew, safe.

It was his job.

He felt his eyelids sinking and forced them open again.

Why was he so tired?

Why wouldn’t the pain fade?

Why did he have to do this?

Why did he have to fight with Stanford?

Why couldn’t he just be civil for once in his life?

Why?  


  
Fiddleford sat in the medical bay, holding onto himself and trying to keep his head clear.

Everything was bad.

Everything was so very bad.

He couldn't think straight.

Where was Stanley?

He was on the bridge, of course. He was acting captain now.

Wasn't that his job as First Officer?

No. No, he was broken.

All by that creature.

That monster.

That one eyed beast.

It took Stanford.

It wanted to hurt Stanley.

He couldn't let that happen.

He had to stop it.

But how?

Fiddleford called a nurse over to him and asked for a DataPADD.

She stared at him in horror.

He frowned and asked again, and she covered her mouth in shock and cried out for Susan.

The doctor came rushing and quickly took all of Fiddleford's vitals.

When he asked what was happening, Susan paled and ordered the nurse to bring her something. When she was given the item, she used it to scan him from head to toe and back and pulled something up on a screen.

His X-Ray.

He got up and looked despite the nurse's protest.

He stared in horror.

It couldn't be.

He turned to Susan and choked out, "Ziv gslhv gfmvh _xzievw_ rmgl nb ylmvh?


End file.
